The Hour the World Stopped
by Ethereal Altair
Summary: Imagine this: the Zettai Hero Project storyline, only instead of the traditional silent protagonist, we have a cynical, aggressive and foul-mouthed boy as our protagonist? Y-yeah, this planet is screwed. Big time!
1. Greatness Comes From Shitty Beginnings

**A/N: **My first attempt on a Zettai Hero Project story, seeing as there are so little (7 fics. WTF!). Now for those of you waiting for my Blood Plus fanfics, just a bit more. 5,000 words isn't exactly an easy task trying to maintain the atmosphere of the original anime.

That's also my plan here. I'll do my best to re-create the Z.H.P story's atmosphere, only with a sarcastic, easily-pissed off, foul-mouthed protagonist named after a musical genre.

Have fun!

* * *

"Ugh, this is a bunch of bullshit."

A teenage, bespectacled boy walked around the streets of Tokyo, cursing and swearing his mouth off. Today is the day the world ends, and yet he was forced into running errands by his parents. This understandably made him irritated.

"Ooh, Symphony. You're supposed to be more responsible. Symphony this. Symphony that. Can't those parents of mine do something for themselves? God." he rambled about on his way to the convenience store and rambled some more.

"Symphony you need to watch over your sister and not getting into trouble? Just what the hell have I been trying to do in the first place! Stupid motherfu—"

He blabbered and ranted, until his cussing was interrupted by a bird dumping its crap on his head. "Oh god a bird just crapped on me. This is the end of the world and even then it won't give me a break from my hellish life. Why do I even bother."

"Get out of the way!"

"Eh?"

A loud voice called out from behind him, dashing across him. The young boy's eyes widened at the sight. He had never seen such a majestic creature in person before.

"It's the... Unlosing Ranger...!"

Indeed it was. The white and red suit, the flowing crimson cape and the V-plate on his chest. It is the real thing. Dashing at full speed, the Unlosing Ranger turned to his side and flashed a small smile at the child, as a little autograph. The teenage boy himself smiled like he was on pot, but quickly turned into fear as the words formed in his mouth.

"Get out of the way!"

"What—**OHGODOHCRAPOHGEEZ!"**

_CRASH!_

"Aaaauuuuugh!"

A car driving at full speed ended up running over the hero, sending him flying for a few meters before finally landing flat on the sidewalk. The driver didn't even pull over to check on the run-over ranger.

"Note to self: Avoid the streets, especially pre-apocalypse." the teenage boy thought to himself before checking on the fallen ranger. "Unlosing Ranger! A-are you okay?"

"Y-y-yes... I am... but the world... guh!" the fatally-injured hero coughed out, trying his best to stand up but to no avail.

The teenage boy settled him down on a nearby fire hydrant and pulled out his phone. "Hang in there. I'll call an ambulance."

"There's no time... guh I don't have much time left so please... tell me your name..."

"Eh? My name? What for?"

"Just tell me..."

"Alright alright fine!" the boy cut to the chase and sighed in annoyance. "Symphony. The name's Symphony... why'd you ask?"

"T-that's a name fit for a hero. P-p-please... can you..." the almost-dead Unlosing Ranger handed out a strange belt to the lad. "Can you save the Earth in my stead?"

"Wait a damn second here. You're making me, a young child with no clue to what the hell just happened, no experience in saving lives, I mean sure I know basic combat skills but still!"

"P-please! I can see it in your eyes... the true soul of a hero who will save this world... please! G-guh!"

"Oh god no don't you dare die on me."

"Glarble! Urrrgh..."

He died.

Symphony watched as a small wisp floated from the hero's body and into the sky. Now with the morphing belt in his hand, he exploded into a tantrum so painful it had to be censored to meet Fanfiction's standards.

"This is bunch of c**k-sucking, c**t-licking, shit-eating, incestual-parental-butt-f**king w**re-shit! Gaaaah! F*ck you, f*ck my family, f*ck Geo Martin, f*ck the US President, f*ck Super Baby, f*ck Darkdeath Evilman, f*ck my life, f*ck the world, f*ck the universe, f*ck Overlord Zenon, f*ck it all to heaven, hell, purgatory, oblivion, the void, f*ck it all to the very ends of existence itseeelf!"

Eventually his gigantic ESRB-exterminator rant was over and he reluctantly morphed into the Unlosing Ranger and walked off into the site of Evilman's challenge.

Y-yeah... this is how we're introduced to the successor of the Unlosing Ranger's power.

We are so going to die.


	2. Evilman Express to World Zero Society

"Where is the Unlosing Ranger? He's the one who challenged me to a fight! Don't tell me he's out there cowering in fear!"

The massive humanoid lion cyborg, Darkdeath Evilman, demanded, mocking the absence of the hero. The reporter, Medeia, saw the Unlosing Ranger coming, walking in a rather bored manner.

"Here he is! The Unlosing Ranger! They say heroes arrive in the nick of time, but isn't this a bit TOO much?"

"Hey at least I'm here now. Better late than never, they say." Unlosing Ranger (Symphony) shrugged and readied himself for a fight. "I got into a traffic earlier. Some guy got ran over by a car. The guy wasn't paying attention to the traffic rules so... y'know."

"Just as we expect from the Unlosing Ranger, willing to help those in need even in the face of danger!" praised Medeia.

"Not really. He died a few seconds later." shrugged the Unlosing Ranger and readied his fighting stance.

"O-oh..." Medeia replied in an empty manner. "A-anyway, it's time for the planet's final battle!"

_'I am so going to get the SHIT kicked out of me. I've lived a short life... and I have many regrets. I never got any respect from my own family. I never got to graduate high school, much less college. I never even got to attend a prom. I'm gonna die a virgin because some moron of a hero got run over by a vehicle. Oh well...' _Symphony had a mental last will. _'God, if I die today, please tell my classmates that i still hate their guts.' _thought Symphony.

"Enough with the prayers! Unlosing Ranger, prepare to meet your writer!" declared Darkdeath Evilman.

* * *

**ACTIVATING COMBAT MODE**

The screen changed into what seemed to be an 8-bit combat system... only crappier.

"What the f*ck is this?" asked Symphony from his bottom text box. Aren't I the main character? This is a 128 bit handheld system for Zenon's sake! What the shit is this craptastic battle screen?"

"I'm not sure myself." replied Darkdeath in a rather confused manner.

**_[Unlosing Ranger attacks]_**

**_[Deals 32 damage]_**

**_[Darkdeath Evilman attacks]_**

**_[Deals 128 damage]_**

"This is starting to hurt real bad..." Symphony gurgled in pain.

**_[Unlosing Ranger tried to dodge]_**

**_[But he slipped on a banana peel]_**

"Oh come OOOON!"

**_[9999 damage hit on the noggin]_**

**_[The Unlosing Ranger fainted]_**

_**[The party is out of members]**_

* * *

Meanwhile in a distant hospital...

"Th-th-the..." an old man lying in a hospital bed panicked. "The Unlosing Ranger lost!" the poor old man's panicking had resulted in a heart attack, killing him instantly.

"Grandpa! Doctor, help!" cried out a brown-haired little Spanish girl.

"Nurse, get me the defrib! NOW!" ordered a doctor, rushing into the scene along with the nurses.

_[Jose Gaspacho]_

_[Age of Death: 93]_

_[Cause: Shock and heart failure]_

Meanwhile in the US...

"The Unlosing Ranger... has lost? At this rate, the world will face destruction. If Super Baby can't do it I guess it seems I may be the only one who can save the world!"

The President _her_self makes a cameo.

"America, the world's police and saviors of the known universe must act now."

_[The 45th US President Brick Oldllama decides to put her plan into action]_

* * *

In an unknown building back in Japan, an old woman with a crystal ball spoke up in a broken Chinese accent... if you can even call THAT an accent.

"I can't see it. I can't see da future of da world." she pondered. "Da fate of da world may have been decided...! Can no good fortune be found inside dis cookie we call Urf?"

_[The world-famous Hong Kong psychic, Chitii Wok, delivers a new prophecy]_

* * *

In the streets of Tokyo, a car drove by in an insane speed...

"I knew it. We're all, like, totally screwed. It's our fault. We killed him!" a petite blonde girl panicked.

"Sh-shut up dude! Wh-what do you want me to do, bro?" a blonde, spiky-haired teenager, apparently the driver, asked.

"I guess nothing... except, stop calling me _bro _and _dude_. It's not like there's anything else we can do, right?" the little girl sighed and fell back in her seat.

"Y-yeah, sure... dudette. We got better stuff to do that worry about this trivial event." the spiky-haired teen focused on driving. "... Let's go, chick. The world might be ending today. We might as well do what we want."

"Yeah. I wonder how many days it will be until the world ends."

_[And the two people responsible for running over the real Unlosing Ranger just... ran off...]_

* * *

Somewhere inside an unidentified house in Tokyo, a depressed girl cried on her knees, holding what seems to be a doll of the Unlosing Ranger.

"N-no... please, we can't all die yet Unlosing Ranger... I still haven't said goodbye to _him_ yet." she gripped the doll and held it close to her chest.

_[Details unknown about this girl.]_

* * *

And thus, the Unlosing Ranger's defeat threw the world into despair.

Back on the battlefield, Unlosing Ranger Symphony fell on one knee, gritting his teeth and clutching his belly.

_'Dammit! He's strong! As expected from this planet's Final Boss. But god help me I can't die now! I'm too f*cking young!'_

"What is this? Is this some kind of mockery?" growled Darkdeath. "_Absolute _Victory? _Unlosing _Ranger?"

"Abso... My GOD my name SUCKS!" Symphony yelled in realization, fully admitting it. "This is easily the cheesiest Saturday morning cartoon bullshit I've ever experienced in my entire existence!"

"No swearing in live TV! The kids are watching!" Medeia called from afar.

"Eh, sorry. Pardon me for my foul language." apologized the hero.

"This is an INSULT! I will finish off this town, Super Baby AND the entire planet!" Darkdeath conjured a ball of plasma from his hand, and launched it at Symphony's face.

A brief flash of white was the last thing Symphony had seen before the attack connected.

This one scene, this is the hour the world stopped moving.

"Oh my... it's over for us all! The Unlosing Ranger has lost!" declared Medeia, dropping on her knees in despair.

"Now... WHO'S NEXT!?" called out Darkdeath.

* * *

Meanwhile... somewhere...

A bruised and heavily-injured Symphony floated around in subspace, patiently waiting for wherever it would take him.

_'This... cold feeling... it hurts..._

_G-gah... my entire soul... hurts..._

_How... the f*ck is this even... possible..._

_I'm... dead..._

_Aren't I?'_

A single beam of azure light shone on the fallen hero, enveloping his once cold body in a warm embrace.

_'T-this... light... this feeling..._

_It feels... so warm... so familiar..._

_I don't know... who it is..._

_But... someone... out there..._

_Actually gives two shits about me..._

_It feels... good...'_

"WAKE UP!"

"Gah!"

Symphony was awakened by a sharp smack on his forehead. Rising up, he saw the source of the attack; a cute little blonde girl with a rabbit hat and some striped pink clothing. Looked like someone drawn by gigantic lolicon.

"Erg... OH GOD! Don't tell me I knocked you up in my sleep!" panicked Symphony.

"We didn't do it you sick bastard! Super Baby shielded you from Darkdeath's attack and transported you here!" The girl yelled back. "It kinda knocked you unconscious so I had to punch you." she added.

_'F*ck. Something tells me I'm going to hate her.' _thought the Unlosing Ranger.

"Anyway, get some rest. There's an empty house right there you can stay. I'm only gonna give you 4 hours." the girl pointed to the decent looking house in the western area.

"FIne... thanks for the save anyway. I gotta go rest my spine." rose up Symphony, limping towards said house.

As the current Unlosing Ranger entered the small house, he was greeted with an unusual sight; A red-headed harpy and what seems to be a really, REALLY fanservice-y Nekomata cleaning the house and cooking respectively.

The girl from before looked at her pendulum and counted.

"Three... two... one..."

**"WHAT THE INFINITE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?"**

And thus begins the (mis)adventures of the Foul-mouthed Unlosing Ranger.

* * *

**A/N: **Second chapter done, thank god. I still can't think of any ideas on what to put into my other fics. Plus, college is a real ass. I mean, capturing the feel of Blood Plus is hard. This one, however, was loads easier, but that does NOT mean I'll stop writing my other fanfics. I'm merely resting.


End file.
